Courtesy of TFTD list-serve by Dan Galvin
(Suggestion for YOUR New Year's Resolutions)
I once listed all the good things I did over the past year,
and then turned them into resolution form and backdated them.
That was a good feeling.
-Robert Fulghum
"Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the
grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left
Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19
p.m. at a speed of 35 mph."
-from the Worst Analogies in High School Term Papers
(Reads like a real contender in the Lord Bulwer-Lytton,
'It was a dark and stormy night', best worst first line
of an novel contest. -tftd)
To dare to dream
that for every question there's an answer...
for every answer yet another question...
and that in the asking there is renewed adventure...
in that daring and dreaming
is a symphony of ambition.
-Rev. John Abbott
He (Major Major's father) was a
long-limbed farmer, a God-fearing,
freedom-loving, law-abiding rugged
individualist who held that federal
aid to anyone but farmers was
creeping socialism.
-Joseph Heller
_Catch 22_. 1961
Mother is far too clever to understand anything she does not like.
-- Arnold Bennett
Carolina wide receiver Willie Green on playing at Lambeau Field:
You get off the plane and you feel the cold wind. You walk
out of the hotel and you feel the cold wind. You put on as much
as you can in the locker room and you walk out on the field, and
you still feel it. And then you look up in the stands and the
first thing you see is some guy without a shirt.
For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin --
real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to
be got through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served,
a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that
these obstacles were my life.
-Fr. Alfred D'Souza
It is a good idea to take things as they come-
if you can handle them that fast.
-Sig Arno
Found on an employee's job performance evaluation:
"This person is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
Four of life's rules
1. Show up
2. Pay attention
3. Do your best
4. Tell the truth
- unknown (from the kitchen chalkboard,
All Saints' Episcopal Church, Austin)
Aphorism Annotated
If at first you don't succeed,
think how many people you've made happy.
-H. Duane Black in National Enquirer
Aphorism Annotated
Birds of a feather flock
to a newly washed car.
-Marlys Bradley in
The American Legion Magazine
For every ten jokes, thou
hast got an hundred enemies.
-Laurence Sterne
1713-1768
There are more books to read,
more music to play, more words to write
and more places to see.....
-Retirement Notification
Kenneth Ashworth
Texas Higher Education Commissioner 21 Years
In any moment of decision,
the best thing you can do is the right thing,
the next-best thing is the wrong thing,
and the worst thing you can do is nothing.
-Theodore Roosevelt
Aphorism Annotated
Those who can, do.
Those who can't,
write the instructions.
-Branhorst Knowles in
National Enquirer
Lord,
deliver me from the man who never makes a mistake,
and also the man who makes the same mistake twice.
-Dr. William J. Mayo
Anything is good if it's made of chocolate.
Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun,
but I'venever been able to make out the numbers.
-Mark Twain
Think like a man of action and
act like a man of thought.
-Henri Bergson
One cool judgment is worth a dozen hasty councils.
The thing to do is to supply light and not heat.
-Woodrow Wilson
(1856-1924)
Remember that the party platform is
like the running board on your car,
something to get in on,
not something to stand on.
-William Crosman
Note: Some of you may need to consult an old
geezer to understand 'running boards'.
Decide promptly, but never give any reasons.
Your decisions may be right, but your reason
are sure to be wrong.
-Lord Mansfield
Blessed are they who have nothing to say and
who cannot be persuaded to say it.
-James Russell Lowell
"There's nothing wrong with teenagers that reasoning with them won't
aggravate."
Keep
your nose to the grindstone,
your shoulder to the wheel,
your eye on the ball, and
your ear to the ground
then see how much work you get done in that position!
-The Old Philosopher
Every man has a right to his opinion, but no
man has a right to be wrong about the facts.
-The Old Philosopher
Mr. Cole's Axiom:
The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant;
the population is growing.
Self-denial is indulgence of a propensity to forgo.
-Ambrose Bierce, Epigrams
Dear Dr. Science,
If masochism is a sin, would a masochist go to hell when he dies, or would
heaven be a better punishment? I've recently become a minister, and I
need
to know these things.
------------------------------
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Direct. All Dr. Science material Copyright 1997
Duck's Breath Mystery Theatre. All rights reserved.
Love letters are the campaign promises of the heart.
-Robert Friedman
George Washington was first in war, first in peace --
and the first to have his birthday juggled to make a long weekend.
-Ashley Cooper
Real friends are those who,
when you've made a fool of yourself,
don't feel that you've done a permanent job.
Public officials are not a group apart. They inevitably
reflect the moral tone of the society in which they live.
-John F. Kennedy
Message to Congress
April 27, 1961
When you come to the end of a perfect day.....
it probably isn't over yet.
-Anon
Experience is the name
everyone gives to his mistakes.
-Oscar Wilde
The pessimist complains about the wind;
the optimist expects it to change;
and the realist adjusts the sails.
-William Arthur Ward
It's just a job.
Grass grows,
birds fly, (and)
waves pound the sand.
I beat people up.
-Mohammed Ali
A politician would do well to remember
that he has to live with his conscience
longer than he does with his constituents.
-Melvin R. Laird
ends Wednesday, Feb 26, 1997
