11 typical Henny Youngman jokes:
 
"A guy comes up to me and says, 'I haven't eaten in two
days.' I told him, 'Force yourself.'" 
 
"I didn't sleep well last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton
was my mother, and I was a bottle baby." 
 
"A guy calls his lawyer. He says, 'Can I ask you two
questions?' Lawyer says, 'What's the second one?'" 
 
"This guy asked his doctor, 'Will I be able to play the
piano after my operation?' And the doctor says 'Sure.'
And the guy says, 'Funny, I couldn't do it before.'" 
 
"I just came from a pleasure trip 
took my mother-in-law to the airport." 
 
"Two guys in a gym, one putting on a girdle. One guys
says, 'Since when have you been wearing a girdle?'
Other guy says, 'Since my wife found it in the glove
compartment of our car.'" 
 
"My doctor told me I was fat. I said I wanted a second
opinion. He said, 'OK, you're ugly, too.'" 
 
"I live about four muggings from Central Park." 
 
"I flew on an airplane, the food was fit for a king. Here,
King!" 
 
"Take my wife, please." 

"My wife lost all her credit cards, but I'm not going to report it.
Whoever found them spends less than she does."

AND:

"Funny to the end"
 
The peripatetic comedian
continued working through his
85th birthday, appearing briefly in the Martin Scorsese gangster epic
"GoodFellas" and working with Steven Spielberg on his "Tiny Toons"
cartoons series. 
 
At age 90, he attended a ceremony where a Manhattan street corner
was named for him. On his 91st birthday, he summoned reporters to a
Manhattan restaurant for a reading of his "Last Will and Testament." 
 
"To my nephew Irving, who still keeps asking me to mention him in my
will: `Hello, Irving!"' it read.