Moms are always right.
She warned me about what I was getting into when I left Yin. She made sure I complete understood the ramifications of the choice I was making. But I was too blinded by the power, the excitement, and the heritage of it all. And then there was the Pattern. The one attribute of Amber that drew me most to her was this complex artifact. I just couldn't supress my fascination and curiosity over it. I'm beginning to regret that fact.
"Once you leave Yin, you'll never really be able to go back," she had warned.
"What do you mean I won't be able to return? I'll just make a trump of Yin once I learn how to draw trumps," I had naively answered.
"It'll never be the same to you," she bluntly asserted. I gave her a puzzled look, unable to realize what she was saying.
"If you enjoy your life as it is now, then don't go, Miyel. Otherwise, you won't be able to go back to the life you have here. Somethings are better just not knowing."
Yet I insisted on knowing. What the fuck was I on? When I envisioned being an Amberite, I didn't know I'd enter a life filled with deceit, trechery, and self-importance. It has been quite a shock to me, this young honest girl who values friendship and trust.
To be immortal, but not omniscient is our curse. Everyone hoards their information, doling it out only to get ahead. Being honest and generous with your information is almost a sin. They must have felt that I robbed them of the sport of weaning information from me.
Well I don't want to play that game anymore. That's what my mom has done. She has removed herself from the politics of Amber, unwilling to participate. And yet there are many that fear her the most. Since her actions and motives are unknown, her sisters and brothers are mortified as to what she is scheming.
All the power of the universe, an eternal life, and unlimited material fulfillment. Yet we are the lonliest creatures. From each other we hide our innermost secrets. Hell, we even hide trival shit. So we turn to shadows to share our confidences with. But even with them we can't be completely honest and truthful. They would have to be extremely guillable to believe your story of being a royal immortal. If they do believe it, then they will regard you as an outsider. Can't keep confidences with an outsider. What is the purpose of all our complex emotions and personality if we must conceal them from all but ourselves?