Pinyin-annotated version of this page
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| On the day of my twenty-first birthday, I was herding cattle by the river. In the afternoon, I lied down on the field and fell asleep, with only a few palm tree leaves covering my body. When I woke up, there was no longer anything covering me (maybe the leaves were eaten by the cattles). The semitropic's summer sun had baked my entire body crimson red. The itching and pain was unbearable. My little monk, however, was still pointing towards the sky, at an unprecendented length. Those were the circumstances of my birthday. | 我过二十一岁生日那天，正在河边放牛。下午我躺在草地上睡着了。我睡去时，身上盖了几片芭蕉叶子，醒来时身上已经一无所有（叶子可能被牛吃了）。亚热带旱季的阳光把我晒得浑身赤红，痛痒难当，我的小和尚直翘翘地指向天空，尺寸空前。这就是我过生日时的情形。 |
| The sun blinded me for a moment when I woke up. The sky was so blue that it was scary. A thin layer of dust had accumulated on my body, like a layer of talcum powder. I have had countless erections in my life. None of the others have been as firm or as powerful. Maybe it was because it was such a remote place, with no one around for miles. | 我醒来时觉得阳光耀眼，天蓝得吓人，身上落了一层细细的尘土，好像一层爽身粉。我一生经历的无数次勃起，都不及那一次雄浑有力，大概是因为在极荒僻的地方，四野无人。 |
| I got up to look at the cattles and found that they were all reclining in a river fork at some distance, quietly chewing on grass. It was utterly silent around us. A white wind blew over the open field. On the river bank, several pairs of cattles from a neighboring village [zai4 zi li???] fought each other, their eyes blood red, saliva flowing from the corner of their mouths. This type of cattle had tightly stretched scrotums and erect penises. Our cattles were different. Even if someone came up and provoked them, they would still lie there and not move. To prevent injuries from fighting, which would have interfered with the spring plowing, we had castrated all of them. | 我爬起来看牛，发现它们都卧在远处的河岔里静静地嚼草。那时节万籁无声，田野上刮着白色的风。河岸上有几对寨子里的牛在斗架，斗得眼珠通红，口角流涎。这种牛阴囊紧缩，阳具挺直。我们的牛不干这种事。任凭别人上门挑衅，我们的牛依旧安卧不动。为了防止斗架伤身，影响春耕，我们把它们都阉了。 |
| I was present at every castration. For a typical bull, one could simply use a knife. But for certain exceptional cases, a hammer was needed. The scrotum would be cut, the testicles pulled out, and smashed to mush with the hammer. From then on, the castrated would only know eating grass and working, and nothing else. One wouldn't even have to tie them up come slaughter time. The team leader holding the hammer didn't have any doubt that this technique used on people would have the same effectiveness. He shouted at us all the time: "You raw cattle testicles, only a smash of the hammer will make you listen!" According to his logic, this raw, stupifyingly erect thing of almost a foot long on my body would be an embodiment of evil. | 每次阉牛我都在场。对于一般的公牛，只用刀割去即可。但是对于格外生性者，就须采取锤骟术，也就是割开阴囊，掏出睾九，一木锤砸个稀烂。从此后受术者只知道吃草干活，别的什么都不知道，连杀都不用捆。掌锤的队长毫不怀疑这种手术施之于人类也能得到同等的效力，每回他都对我们呐喊：你们这些生牛蛋子，就欠砸上一锤才能老实！按他的逻辑，我身上这个通红通红，直不愣登，长约一尺的东西就是罪恶的化身。 |
| Of course, I saw it differently. For me, this thing was incomparably important, as much as my existence itself. The color of the sky gradually darkened as the evening approached. A few lazy clouds drifted overhead, their lower halves buried in darkness, while their upper halves still floated in the sunlight. I was twenty-one that day, in the golden age of my life. I had many dreams. I wanted to love, to eat, also to become in a flash a cloud in the sky, half translucent, half opaque. It was only later that I discovered that life is a slow process of being struck by the hammer. One gets older day by day, and one's dreams vanish day by day. In the end, one become like a bull stricken by a hammer. But on my twenty-first birthday, I didn't foresee all this. I felt I would always live vigorously and nothing could strike me. That evening, I had invited Chen Qingyang over to have fish, and so I should have obtained the fish that afternoon. It wasn't until five o'clock that I remembered to go over to where I had set the traps earlier to take a look. Even before I stepped into that little river fork, two tribal kids [LeiPo tribe???] emerged, fighting each other, from a path inside, flinging mud everywhere. Even I was hit by a few pieces. Only when I lifted them up by their ears, did they stop. I shouted at them, | 当然，我对此有不同的意见，在我看来，这东西无比重要，就如我之存在本身。天色微微向晚，天上飘着懒洋洋的云彩。下半截沉在黑暗里，上半截仍浮在阳光中。那一天我二十一岁，在我一生的黄金时代。我有好多奢望。我想爱，想吃，还想在一瞬间变成天上半明半暗的云。后来我才知道，生活就是个缓慢受锤的过程，人一天天老下去，奢望也一天天消失，最后变得像挨了锤的牛一样。可是我过二十一岁生日时没有预见到这一点。我觉得自己会永远生猛下去，什么也锤不了我。那天晚上我请陈清扬来吃鱼，所以应该在下午把鱼弄到手。到下午五点多钟我才想起到戽鱼的现场去看看。还没走进那条小河岔，两个累颇族孩子就从里面一路打出来，烂泥横飞，我身上也挨了好几块，直到我拎住他们的耳朵，他们才罢手。我喝问一声： |
| "Dickheads, where's the fish?" | “鸡巴，鱼呢？” |
| The slightly older one said, "It was all this dickhead Lei Nong's fault! He kept sitting on the dam and fucking crushed the dam!" | 那个年记大点的说：“都怪鸡巴勒农！他老坐在坝上，把坝坐鸡巴倒了！” |
| Lei Nong shouted at the top of his lungs: "Wang Er! That dam was fucking weak!" I said: "Bullshit! I chopped up turf to to make that dam, which dickhead dares to call it weak?" I walking inside to look at it. Whether it was because Lei Nong sat on it or because I didn't make it strong enough, the dam had collapsed. The trapped water had flowed back out, allowing all the fish to escape. A whole day's work had gone to waste. Of course, I couldn't admit that it was my fault, so I cursed at Lei Nong. Lei Dou (the other kid) also chimed in. Lei Nong was furious. He jumped up three feet and howled, | 勒农直着嗓子吼：“王二！坝打得不鸡巴牢！”我说：“放屁！老子砍草皮打的坝，哪个鸡巴敢说不牢？”到里面一看，不管是因为勒农坐的也好，还是因为我的坝没打好也罢，反正坝是倒了，戽出来的水又流回去，鱼全泡了汤，一整天的劳动全都白费。我当燃不能承认是我的错，就痛骂勒农，勒都（就是那另一个孩子）也附合我，勒农上了火，一跳三尺高，嘴里吼道： |
| "Wang Er! Lei Dou! Dickheads! You bastards [literal "brothers-in-law"???] are ganging up on me! I'm going to tell my dad. Gonna get our bronze shotgun to get you guys!" | “王二！勒都！鸡巴！你们姐夫舅子合伙搞我！我去告诉我家爹，拿铜炮枪打你们！” |
| After saying this, the little brat jumped towards the river bank, trying to flee. I reached and grabbed his ankle and pulled him back down. | 说完这小免崽子就往河岸上窜，想一走了之。我一把薅住他脚脖子，把他揪下来。 |
| "You think if you leave, we'd herd your cattles for you? You're fucking dreaming!" | “你走了我们给你赶牛哇？做你娘的美梦！” |
| The kid screamed and tried to bite me. I pull apart his arms and pressed him against the ground. He spat and cursed at me using a mix of Mandarin, a local dialect, and Thai. I cursed back in authentic Beijing Mandarin. Suddenly, he stopped cursing and looked at my lower body with immense admiration. I lowered my head to look. My little monk had risen again. I heard Lei Nong saying admiringly, | 这小子哇哇叫着要咬我，被我劈开手按在地上。他口吐白沫，杂着汉话、景颇话、傣话骂我，我用正庄京片子回骂。忽然间他不骂了，往我下体看去，脸上露出无限羡慕之情。我低头一看，我的小和尚又直立起来了。只听勒农啧啧赞美道： |
| "Wow! You must be thinking of Lei Dou's sister!" | “哇！想日勒都家姐啊！” |
| I hurriedly tossed him aside and went to put on my pants. | 我赶紧扔下他去穿裤子。 |
| In the evenings, when I went to the water pump station to light my gas lamp, I would see Chen Qingyang suddenly turn up, talking about how she felt life was meaningless, that she was completely innocent. I said if she dared to believe that she was innocent, then that in of itself was the greatest crime. Everyone is by nature gluttonous and lazy, lustful and debauched. If you are industrious and frugal, protective of your honor, then you've really committed the crime of pretense, which is more abominable than even gluttony, laziness, lust, and debauchery. She seemed to agree, but never said anything more. | 晚上我在水泵房点起汽灯，陈清扬就会忽然到来，谈起她觉得活着很没意思，还说到她在每件事上都是清白无辜。我说她竟敢觉得自己清白无辜，这本身就是最大的罪孽。照我的看法，每个人的本性都是好吃懒作，好色贪淫，假如你克勤克俭，守身如玉，这就犯了矫饰之罪，比好吃懒作好色贪淫更可恶。这些话她好像很听得进去，但是从不附合。 |
| That night, I lit the gas lamp at the river side, but Chen Qingyang was late. It was only until 9 o'clock that Chen came to the door and yelled, "Wang Er, you bastard! Come out here!" I went out to see. She was dressed entirely in white and exceptionally neat, but her expression wasn't very relaxed. She said, "You invited me for fish and to have an earnest talk, but where is the fish?" I could only say, "The fish is still in the river." She said, "Fine. We still have the earnest talk left. Let's talk out here." I said, "Let's talk inside." She said, "Alright," went inside and sat down. It looked like she was bursting with anger. | 那天晚上我在河边上点起汽灯，陈清扬却迟迟不至，直到九点钟以后，她才到门前来喊我：“王二，混蛋！你出来！”我出去一口看，她穿了一身白，打扮得格外整齐，但是表情不大轻松。她说道：你请我来吃鱼，做倾心之谈，鱼在哪里？我只好说，鱼还在河里。她说好吧，还剩下一个倾心之谈。就在这儿谈罢。我说进屋去谈，她说那也无妨，就进屋来坐着，看样子火气甚盛。 |
| On the day of my twenty-first birthday, I planned to seduce Chen Qingyang that night, because Chen was my friend, and her chest supple, her waist very narrow, her buttocks perfectly round. Besides these, her neck was straight and long. Her face was very pretty, too. I wanted to have intercourse with her and thought she shouldn't disagree. If she had wanted to borrow my body to practice dissection, I would have let her, and so there's no reason why I shouldn't have been able to borrow her body. The only question was that she was a woman, and women are always a little stingy. Because of this, I needed to inspire her, and so I began to expound to her the meaning of "the code of loyalty." | 我过二十一岁生日那天，打算在晚上引诱陈清扬，因为陈清扬是我的朋友，而且胸部很丰满，腰很细，屁股浑圆。除此之外，她的脖子端正修长，脸也很漂亮。我想和她性交，而且认为她不应该不同意，假如她想借我的身体练开膛，我准让她开；所以我借她身体一用也没什么不可以。唯一的问题是她是个女人，女人家总有点小器。为此我要启发她，所以我开始阐明什么叫作“义气”。 |
| For me, the code of loyalty is the great friendship of the great warriors of old. To the heros of the novel "Water Margin," killing and burning was an everyday business. But when they heard the name of their big brother Ji Shiyu, they would immediately kneel and bow. I am like those heros of the woods. I don't believe in anything. The only thing I can't violate is the code of loyalty. If you are my friend, then even if you are guilty some of unpardonable crime, I still would stand by your side. That night, I offered my great friendship to Chen Qingyang. She was greatly moved and at once indicated: this friendship, she accepted. Not only this, she also said she would repay me with an even greater friendship. Even if I were a despicable, lowly person, she still wouldn't betray me. I was reassured when I heard this, and I went on to say what was my intent all along: I was already twenty-one years old. I still haven't experience relations with the opposite sex and wasn't willing to be resigned to that fact. She looked stupefied when she heard this, probably because she wasn't prepared for it. I kept on talking for a while, but she showed no reaction. I laid my hand on her shoulder. Her muscles felt tense. This lady was likely to flare up and slap me at any moment. If she did, it would prove that women don't understand what friendship is. But she didn't. Suddenly, she snorted and started laughing. She said, "I am so stupid! I got taken by your ways so easily!" | 在我看来，义气就是江湖好汉中那种伟大友谊。水浒中的豪杰们，杀人放火的事是家常便饭，可一听说及时雨的大名，立即倒身便拜。我也像那些草莽英雄，什么都不信，唯一不能违背的就是义气。只要你是我的朋友，哪怕你十恶不赦，为天地所不容，我也要站到你身边。那天晚上我把我的伟大友谊奉献给陈清扬，她大为感动，当即表示道：这友谊她接受了。不但如此，她还说要以更伟大的友谊还报我，哪怕我是个卑鄙小人也不背叛。我听她如此说，大为放心，就把底下的话也说了出来：我已经二十一岁了，男女间的事情还没体验过，真是不甘心。她听了以后就开始发愣，大概是没有思想准备。说了半天她毫无反应。我把手放到她的肩膀上去，感觉她的肌肉绷得很紧。这娘们随时可能翻了脸给我一耳光，假定如此，就证明女人不懂什么是交情。可是她没有。忽然间她哼了一声，就笑起来。还说：我真笨！这么容易就着了你的道儿！ |
| I said, "What ways? What are you talking about?" | 我说：什么道儿？你说什么？ |
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She said, "I'm not talking about anything." I asked her whether she agreed to what I had just asked. She said "pooh," her face becoming completely red. I recognized that she was a little embarrassed, so I took the initiative and got moving. She pushed me a few times and then said, "Not here. Let's go up to the mountain." Thus, she and I went up to the mountain. |
她说：我什么也没有说。我问她我刚才说的事儿你答应不答应？她说呸，而且满面通红。我看她有点不好意思，就采取主动，动手动脚。她搡了我几把，后来说，不在这儿，咱们到山上去。我就和她一块到山上去了。 |
| Chen Qingyang later said that she could never figure out if my great friendship was real, or was it something I invented on the moment to deceive her. However, she also said that those words mesmerized her like a spell, and so even if she lost everything because of it, she would have no regrets. In reality, great friendship is neither real nor fake, just like everything else in the world. If you believe it's real, then it's real. If you suspect it's fake, then it's fake. My words, likewise, were also half-real, though not fake. But I was always prepared to honor my words and wouldn't retract them even if the sky collapsed and the earth cracked. Precisely because of this attitude, nobody would ever believe me. Although I made making friends my life-long career, the friends I've made only include Chen Qingyang and a couple of others. That night when we went up to the mountain, as we reached the half-way point, she said she needed to go home for a moment and asked me to wait for her by the back of the mountain. I had some suspicion that she was putting me on, but I didn't say anything. I walked straightaway to the back of the mountain and had a cigarette. After a while, she came. | 陈清扬后来说，她始终没搞明白我那个伟大友谊是真的呢，还是临时编出来骗她。但是她又说，那些话就像咒语一样让她着迷，哪怕为此丧失一切，也不懊侮。其实伟大友谊不真也不假，就如世上一切东西一样，你信它是真，它就真下去；你疑它是假，它就是假的。我的话也半真不假。但是我随时准备兑现我的话，哪怕天崩地裂也不退却。就因为这种态度，别人都不相信我。我虽然把交朋友当成终身的事业，所交到的朋友不过陈清扬等二三人而已。那天晚上我们到山上去，走到半路她说要回家一趟，要我到后山上等她。我有点怀疑她要晾我，但是我没说出来，径直走到后山上去抽烟。等了一些时间，她来了。 |
| Chen Qingyang said that when I first went to her for the shot, she was taking a nap on her desk. In Yun'Nan, everyone has lots of time to take naps and so is always half-asleep, half-awake. When I went in, the room darked a bit, as it was a grass-hatched mud flat and most of the light came through the door. She woke up at that moment and asked what I was doing. I said that my waist hurt. She said that I should lie down and let her take a look. So I fell headlong onto the bamboo plank bed, almost crushing it. My waist hurt so bad that I couldn't bend at all. If that weren't the case, I wouldn't have gone to her. | 陈清扬说，我第一次去找她打针时，她正在伏案打瞌睡。在云南每个人都有很多时间打瞌睡，所以总是半睡半醒。我走进去时，屋子里暗了一下，因为是草顶土坯房，大多数光从门口进来。她就在那一刻醒来，抬头问我干什么。我说腰疼，她说躺下让我看看。我就一头倒下去，扑到竹板床上，几乎把床砸塌。我的腰痛得厉害，完全不能打弯。要不是这样，我也不会来找她。 |
| Chen Qingyang said that even when I was very young, I already had lines near the corners of my mouth and dark rings around my eyes. I was very tall, had terribly tattered clothes, and didn't like to talk. She gave me the shot, and I left. It sounded like I might have said thank you, or maybe I didn't. When it occurred to her to ask me to testify that she's not a tramp, it had already been half an hour. She rushed out and saw that I was taking the shortcut back to Team No. 14. I was going down the dirt hillside, jumping over gullies and leaping over ridges, flying down the slope of the mountain. It happened to be a morning of the dry season. Wind blew from the mountain top. Even if she had yelled, I wouldn't have been able to hear her. I didn't turn my head at all, either. I just went away like that. | 陈清扬说，我很年轻时就饿纹入嘴，眼睛下面乌黑。我的身材很高，衣服很破，而且不爱说话。她给我打过针，我就走了，好像说了一声谢了，又好像没说。等到她想起可以让我证明她不是破鞋时，已经过了半分钟。她追了出来，看见我正取近路走回十四队。我从土坡上走下去，逢沟跳沟，逢坎跃坎，顺着山势下得飞快。那时正逢旱季的上午，风从山下吹来，喊我也听不见。而且我从来也不回头。我就这样走掉了。 |
| Chen Qingyang said that she wanted to chase after me at the time, but felt that it would be difficult to catch me, and anyway, it wasn't certain that I could prove that she wasn't a tramp. So she went back to the clinic. Later she changed her mind and came looking for me because everyone said she was a tramp and so everyone was an enemy. But it was possible that I wasn't an enemy. She didn't want to miss the opportunity and allow me to change into an enemy. | 陈清扬说，当时她想去追我，可是觉得很难追上。而且我也不一定能够证明她不是破鞋。所以她走回医务室去。后来她又改变了主意去找我，是因为所有的人都说她是破鞋，因此所有的人都是敌人。而我可能不是敌人。她不愿错过了机会，让我也变成敌人。 |
| That night, as I smoked in the back of the mountain, though it was night, I could see into the distance because the moon was very bright and the local air extremely clean. I could also hear dogs barking from faraway. I saw Chen Qingyang immediately after she came out from Team No. 15. I probably wouldn't have been able to see so far during the day. Despite all this, it wasn't exactly like daytime. Maybe it was because there was no one around. I can't say for sure that there was no one up in that part of the mountain because a silvery gray pervaded everywhere. If someone had walked up holding a torch, that is to say hoping everyone in the world would know that he's there. If you didn't hold a torch, then it would have been like wearing invisibility suit. People who knew that you were there could see you. People who didn't know couldn't. I saw Chen approaching slowing and felt great anticipation. It suddenly occurred to me that before doing it, we should be affectionate for a little bit. | 那天晚上我在后山上抽烟。虽然在夜里，我能看见很远的地方。因为月光很明亮，当地的空气又很干净。我还能听见远处的狗叫声。陈清扬一出十五队我就看见了，白天未必能看这么远。虽然如此，还是和白天不一样。也许是因为到处都没人。我也说不准夜里这片山上有人没人，因为到处是银灰色的一片。假如有人打着火把行路，那就是说，希望全世界的人都知道他在那里。假如你不打火把，就如穿上了隐身衣，知道你在那里的人能看见，不知道的人不能看见。我看见陈清扬慢慢走近，怦然心动，无师自通地想到，做那事之前应该亲热一番。 |
| Chen Qingyang reacted frostily. Her lips were frosty and didn't react at all to caresses. When I clumsily started to unbutton her, she pushed me aside and took off her clothes herself one by one, folding each before placing it on the side. Then she lied down stiffly on the grass. | 陈清扬对此的反应是冷冰冰的。她的嘴唇冷冰冰，对爱抚也毫无反应。等到我毛手毛脚给她解扣子时，她把我推开，自己把衣服一件件脱下来，叠好放在一边，自己直挺挺躺在草地上。 |
| Chen Qingyang's naked body was gorgeous. I rushed to take off my clothes and crawled over. She pushed me aside again and gave me something, saying, "Do you know how to use it? Do you need me to teach you how?" | 陈清扬的裸体美极了。我赶紧脱了衣服爬过去，她又一把把我推开，递给我一个东西说：“会用吗？要不要我教你？” |
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It was a condom. I was at the peak of excitement and only felt a very slight displeasure at her attitude. Putting on the condom, I climbed on her again. I nervously fiddled around for a while, but still couldn't get it right. Suddenly she said coldly, "Hey! Do you know what you're doing?" |
那是一个避孕套。我正在兴头上，对她这种口气只微感不快，套上之后又爬到她身上去，心慌气躁地好一阵乱弄，也没弄对。忽然她冷冰冰地说： “喂！你知道自己在于什么吗？” |
| I said, "Of course I know. Can your majesty move over here a bit? I need a little more light to study the structure of your body." There was loud "Pow," like a thunder. She had slapped me. I jumped up, got my clothes, and left. | 我说当然知道。能不能劳你大驾躺过来一点？我要就着亮儿研究一下你的结构。只听啪的一声巨响，好似一声耳边雷，她给我一个大耳光。我跳起来，拿了自己的衣服，拔腿就走。 |