apoleon once ate an entire 30-pound wheel of gourmandise in one sitting. He didn't even have any crackers or bread, just the cheese. He then spent nearly two hours licking the foil wrapping clean of any cheesey remnants. Napoleon loved cheese, you see. That was why his government was an empire and not a social democracy or a proletariat collective or a logical positivist union. No, his was an empire, and once you decide to run an empire you have to go about empiring things. You cannot just sit at home with the Camembert and call your social system an empire. No! If you have an empire, one of the primary requirements is that you go out and take things over. There just was not enough cheese in France, so he had to go next door with his troops and their cannons and say "excuse me - we are the French, I'm Napoleon... yes, hello. So sorry to trouble you, but we've come for your cheese. Yes, your cheese. Well, I mean, I've come for your cheese, but these other guys who keep following me around, those guys there with the cannons, over there... I think they actually might want more then the cheese... I think they might actually want everything. (Aside: yes, that's right? Oui? Oui?) Yes, they do want everything, I'm afraid. Apparently you've been empired. You're French now. I'm terribly sorry about this... I realize this must be a damned nuisance. I only really wanted the cheese, but these guys have their own ideas, and I don't seem to be able to shake them. They have loads of crackers, so they are very handy friends to have. I'm sure you understand... crackers make everything so much nicer, don't you think? So there really isn't anything I can do. My hands are tied. Yes? Oh, you are a dear! You don't happen to have any Roquefort, by any chance?"
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