Whilst in the back garden of my neighbour's house, struggling to disengage an enormous parasite from a braid of lemongrass I had been secretly cultivating, I was unexpectedly confronted by an unsavoury-looking imp brandishing a tiny, misshapen (and even more unsavoury-looking) erection. Overcome by the shock of the sudden encounter, I dropped the bottle of vinegar I had been clutching in my left hand ad leapt backwards -- unknowingly, but very fortuitously foiling an attempt by the imp to hump my leg. I was quick to situate both legs out of harm's way (as it were), and took a moment to regard this strange little creature while it emitted a series of high-pitched chirps and shuddered like a horse beset by flies. At a loss as to how I should proceed, I grabbed a handful of birdseed from a nearby feeder and tossed it at my antagonist's feet. Much to my surprise, the imp did not respond with the angry outburst I had anticipated, but rather clutched at his buttocks before pitching over backwards in a fit of convulsive laughter. The laughter became more and more shrill, gradually degenerating into a kind of ragged wheezing -- and then, finally, into nothing at all as the imp succumbed to asphyxiation.

I stood and fretted for a while about how I should go about disposing of the body: I found the idea of having to touch it somewhat repellent, to be honest. In the end, I just left it where it was and returned home. It wasn't my backyard after all, and so not really my concern.